A Curriculum for Calm Conflict
A specialized curriculum for middle schoolers to approach conflict resolution with calm emotions, a fair mindset, and a powerful question toolbox to reach agreement without escalation.
The Premise
The terrain
Group chats, hallways, locker rooms, lunch tables. Cliques, relational aggression, and digital exclusion play out in adult blind spots.
The paradox
Kids are asked to navigate a complex social hierarchy at exactly the age their brains are least wired for cool-headed compromise.
The objective
Move students from waiting for an adult to step in toward handling conflict on their own, calmly and fairly.
The Shift
A student who finishes the Playbook doesn't avoid conflict. They walk into it differently. Four small habits do most of the work.
They pause before they react
The first win is a half-second of space between the trigger and the response, just enough to pick a tool instead of a reflex.
They ask what the other person wants
Curiosity replaces accusation. "Why does this matter to you?" turns an opponent into a problem two people can solve together.
They buy themselves time
Letting the other person explain takes the pressure off. You get a few free seconds to plan a response instead of blurting one.
They aim for a handshake
The goal isn't to win. It's a compromise both sides can actually live with. That's where every move points.
"The goal isn't a world without conflict. It's a generation that can sit inside one and still reach for fair."
The Toolbox · I.M.T.D
The core of the curriculum is a four-step move built on mirroring, the technique FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss made famous. Students learn it activity-first: they feel it in a role-play before they ever see the letters I · M · T · D.
The source
Chris Voss
Former lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI and author of Never Split the Difference. His practical tools, tactical empathy and mirroring, were built from real high-stakes crises, then adapted here for the hallway and the group chat.
A conflict starts with a jab: "I find your dog annoying." The instinct is to fire straight back. The first skill is simply to notice the opening and stay calm instead of escalating.
Echo their own words: "You find my dog annoying?" A mirror makes them expand ("am I missing something?") and gives them something to prove, so they keep talking and reveal what they actually want.
While they explain, the pressure is off you. This is your time to think. The only question to answer: how can I respond to reach a compromise I actually want?
One small mirror has flipped the whole exchange: it made them expand on the why, put you on the offensive, and bought you time to think. That's what turns a standoff into a handshake.
In early adolescence the emotional brain (amygdala) matures faster than the reasoning brain (prefrontal cortex). A mirror works as a scaffold: just three or four words, easy to reach for under stress, and it buys the thinking brain the seconds it needs to catch up.
See it in action
The role-play students ran in the Noble & Greenough Model UN pilot, a live test of I.M.T.D under pressure.
Get into pairs: one student is the USA, the other is Russia. In unmoderated caucus the USA keeps interrupting, and even threatens nukes. The question on the table: how do both sides get what they want?
Run it cold first. It usually spirals: two delegates talking over each other, nobody listening, no compromise in sight.
Run it again with the framework: mirror the interruption instead of fighting it, use the time their answer buys, and steer toward a deal both delegations can actually sign.
Debrief: what did we learn? How did I.M.T.D help find a mutual compromise, and how would you adapt it for a calmer, or a more aggressive, opponent?
Read the room
A mirror only works if you can read what the other person's body is already telling you, and control what yours says back.
Watch hands, facial expressions, and body language. A repeated motion or a strong reaction tells you which detail actually matters to them.
Keep hands in the active space around chest level, face the person, lean in to confirm and step back when something's wrong. Clear signals beat random movement.
Short beats long. A brief, well-timed response lands harder, and can shut down a conversation that's drifting the wrong way.
Oakland Unified School District builds the same instinct into a routine: students sit in a circle and take turns speaking. One person shares a problem, and before anyone responds, the others repeat it back and ask questions. It's mirroring, built right into the structure of the room.
Strategic Network
Four organizations anchor this curriculum, from independent-school Model UN rooms to a statewide service corps. Each brings a different audience, setting, and reason the work matters.
4
Partner organizations
351
MA cities & towns reached
6+
Years of service history
11-14
Target age range
The first pilot runs inside the Middle School Model UN, a room where negotiation is already the native language. That makes it an ideal place to pressure-test the lessons.
1st
Pilot cohort
What they bring: a structured debate setting and students primed to practice persuasion.
Four target workshops for underprivileged kids across Greater Boston. They bring the same toolbox to students who rarely get dedicated conflict-resolution instruction.
4
Target workshops
What they bring: reach into communities where access is the whole point.
Built on 6+ years inside the Teen Leadership Corps, a relationship deep enough that the curriculum lands as part of an established service culture, not a one-off visit.
6+
Years embedded
What they bring: trust and continuity from years of shared work.
We're planning to run sessions during the statewide Launch and Reunion meetings, where one 8th-grade ambassador from each of Massachusetts' 351 cities and towns gathers, tying the work directly to the upstander mission.
351
Towns represented
What they bring: statewide scale and a ready audience of young leaders.
How a partnership works
Every partner gets the same core toolbox, adapted to their setting. The shape of a collaboration is deliberately simple.
We map the toolbox onto the group (a Model UN room, a service corps, a workshop) so the examples feel native, not borrowed.
A facilitated, activity-driven session, with the partner's own staff alongside so the practice can continue after we leave.
We gather feedback, leave facilitator guides behind, and fold what we learned into the next room.
The strongest partners already care about how young people treat each other: a debate program, an equity-focused workshop, a service corps, a statewide leadership network. The curriculum doesn't replace what they do; it gives their students a shared language for the hardest part.
The Master Plan
A first draft of the curriculum, then pilots, then scale, then impact reports that show what it changed.
Late Spring & Summer 2026
Translate Harvard-level negotiation theory into activity-first lessons built for a middle school audience. That means swapping jargon for plain language and tying every concept to a game or role-play.
Fall 2026
First live runs with Noble & Greenough and the Achieve Program, two very different rooms that together show what lands everywhere and what needs sharpening before scaling.
Winter 2026-2027
Scale into local public schools, community programs, and the founder's karate dojo. Eleven years as a martial arts student and five years teaching it as a 2nd-degree black belt help refine delivery across very different settings.
Spring 2027
Gather testimonials and produce state impact reports to prove the model works. A year of sessions becomes evidence that can guide the next cohort and attract new partners.
What proof looks like
The plan ends in evidence, not just activity. By spring 2027 the goal is a clear picture of what the curriculum actually changes for the students who go through it.
2
Pilot rooms in fall 2026
4
Settings by spring 2027
351
Towns within reach
1
State impact report
About Me
Six years of community service through the Teen Leadership Corps taught the founder that the hardest negotiations happen where adults aren't watching: in group chats, hallways, and lunch tables.
Eleven years as a martial arts student, and five years teaching it as a 2nd-degree black belt, taught the rest: that calm under pressure is a trainable skill, and that kids rise to the level of structure you give them. The Playbook turns both lessons into a curriculum middle schoolers can actually use.
6+
Years of community service
11
Years training in martial arts
It's the age when the emotional brain outpaces the reasoning brain. Giving kids structure here, when they need it most, pays off for years.
Activity first, concept second. Kids feel the lesson in a game before they ever hear the term for it, the way a good dojo teaches a technique.
A student who, mid-argument, stops and asks the other person what they actually want. That single habit is the whole curriculum working.
Principles
You can't tell a stressed kid to "calm down" and expect it to work. You give them a script simple enough to reach for when their heart is already pounding.
In the dojo, every match begins and ends with a bow. The same idea runs through the Playbook: you can disagree hard and still treat the other person as a person.
Kids rehearse skills in games, never in the middle of a real fight. So when a real one comes, the move is already familiar.
Five years of teaching taught me students meet the level of trust and structure you give them. Set it high, and they reach for it.
Videos & Links
The talks and reading behind the Negotiations Playbook, covering FBI negotiation and restorative practice in schools.
My Resources
A horizontal gallery of curriculum materials, the first live session, and the Model UN pilot footage.
A photo from the very first live run of the Negotiations Playbook.
Footage from the Noble & Greenough Model UN pilot, sped up to watch quickly.
The presentation behind the curriculum: tactical empathy and the four-step I.M.T.D framework.
Mind maps, the mediation framework, slide decks, and facilitator notes. This is the core of what gets used in a session.
The first-session photo and the sped-up Model UN pilot footage, proof the curriculum works in a real room.
Negotiations Playbook · Reaching agreement without escalation.
Get Involved
Whether you lead a classroom, a service program, or a youth organization, there's a place for you in helping middle schoolers turn conflict into calm, fair agreement.
Ways to help
Schools, Model UN programs, and service organizations can run the Playbook with their students. We adapt the sessions to your setting and leave facilitator guides behind.
Educators, mentors, and older students can train to lead the activities, run the role-plays, and guide the debrief in rooms near you.
Materials, travel, and pilot sessions take resources. A contribution helps bring conflict-resolution skills to students who rarely get dedicated instruction.
Know a teacher, counselor, or program director who would value this? An introduction is one of the most valuable ways to help the work reach more students.
Reach out
Tell us about your school or organization and how you would like to be involved, and we will follow up.
Negotiations Playbook · Reaching agreement without escalation.